


Omniana: Obsession

by lalazora



Series: Omniana: How far will you go? [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Hwang Hyunjin-centric, Less gorish than the original though but better be safe than sorry, M/M, Mentions of drugs, Psychopaths In Love, Sequel, Torture, Violence, but again, it's nothing compared to the original, that's right Omniana is back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 19:05:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16646048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalazora/pseuds/lalazora
Summary: There are as many sins crawling on Hyunjin's back as there's blood on his hands.But it's okay if it means he could see Chan's satisfied smile once again.





	Omniana: Obsession

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO DEAR OMNIANA READERS GUESS WHO'S BACK, BACK AGAIN, OMNIANA IS BACK, TELL A FRIEND.
> 
> Actually, don't, you don't wanna traumatize them. (or do you?) 
> 
> But here is the Hyunjin-centred sequel some people might have been waiting for (and once again, I'm so sorry it took so long OTL) and for the rest, well, SURPRISE. 
> 
> For people who have no idea what they got into, I think this fic COULD be a stand-alone, but really, you should check the original first to avoid confusion!
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this; I worked hard on it :)!
> 
> Enjoy!

Dull.

Yes. If there was a word to define his life, it would be dull.

At ten, Hyunjin already thought his life was boringly easy. Too easy

At ten, Hyunjin thought that the people around him were as boring as his life.

At ten, Hyunjin was convinced it would never change.

At ten, Hyunjin was already too beautiful for this life, making the people around him surrender at whatever he said or wanted.

Him being from a very rich family didn’t help as well. If people already surrounded just because of his face, when they learned how rich he was, how powerful his father was, Hyunjin, even at his young age could see them dropping on their knees as if he was God himself.

It was hard for a child to not get a huge ego with so much power in their hands, but Hyunjin never felt anything with it. It was just boring. When you could get everything you wanted just with a snap of your fingers, what was the point? Nothing was exciting, nothing was challenging, and at ten Hyunjin’s life was lacking emotions.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t capable of feeling things, it was just there was nothing in the world except for his family, maybe, to have feelings about in the first place.

Yes, bored, if there was one word to describe Hyunjin, it would be this one. A bored soul with empty eyes, looking at the world around him as if nothing was interesting as if nothing could entertain him, as if he owned it.  

Yes, at ten, Hyunjin wasn’t like any other children of his age. And maybe, once in a while, he wished he was.

It was a funny thing to see everyone around him having fun, being actual kids. Seeing the world through some form of innocence he never had, sometimes, he wanted that. Sometimes he wanted to not know how about adults could throw themselves at his feet, or as his parent’s ones, just to get something out of them or him. He wondered if his classmates knew their own family were begging his for money, or to get rid of someone they disliked.

He wondered if they knew when their parents invited him at home, giving him special treatment, candies and food he didn’t ask for, being extra nice to him, and not doing the same thing to their own children, in the hopes of him giving a good word about them to his father or mother, deep down realizing it was useless but still wishing for something out of being nice.

Being nice. It was something Hyunjin knew he was capable of. But not something he particularly enjoyed, and he considered it to be quite useless. After all, if people used niceness to get something out of their acts, what was his point of being nice? He already got everything he needed, and if he actually wished or wanted something, he would get it as well with just a snap of his fingers.

If children his age understood the world through the lenses of innocence, while still being protected by their parents, Hyunjin understood the world through the lenses of humans’ greediness, the world his parents showed him, the world he was supposed as well to take later as an adult and reign over it.

The world was an ugly place if you asked him.

But again, he didn’t feel anything about it. It was the way it was. He didn’t know what the world was supposed to be for others. To be more accurate, he had an idea of what it was, after all his parents always told me since he was young that understand how people thought were the best way to know how to manipulate them, but he couldn’t feel it, he couldn’t understand how people felt towards it.

Did people like the world they lived in? Did people wish for things to change? Did people were resigned? Hopeful? Content with the how things were? Disgusted? Hateful?

When he asked his father, he just looked at him for a minute too long and told him all humans didn’t feel the same way towards the world and as such, he couldn’t throw them all in one big bag and think all humans will react the same way, that’s why he had to analyze people and to know how this person, in particular, will react. That was how he was supposed to be the best.

And even if Hyunjin felt dullness towards this world, towards his family, it was another story. He wanted to make his parents proud. He wanted them to look at their son later in their life, taking over the business to watch him become the powerful man they wished he will be and be the proudest parents could be. Hyunjin didn’t have any ambitions in his life anyways if he could at least do that, it was enough.

His parents, and the people they hired taught him how to be the best at everything at a very young age. At ten, Hyunjin was the best at everything he was supposed to be the best at. Studies, essentially, but also, considering his future job, how to be social, how to be loved by everyone. He didn’t understand why he had to be, not when he was young at least, but his parents wanted him to be, so he would be.

And things that could be considered trivial, such as dancing, singing, playing instruments, calligraphy etc... His mother used to tell him that being good at a lot of things could only help him later in the future when he will have to take over.

Some people will say it was harsh of them to prepare their young son at a future so far away, to put pressure on a child who didn’t ask for anything, especially considering the kind of business they did, but his parents always scoffed at that.

“Hyunjin will be the best at what he’ll have to do. The weak die and the strong survive in this world. No son of mine will be weak.”

And that was the end of that.

Hyunjin didn’t know if he was weak or not. He knew he had some skills at a very young age most people didn’t have. He knew he could analyze people behaviors like most people couldn’t. But he didn’t know if he was weak. How was he supposed to tell?

His mother always told him weakness didn’t come from the body but from the mind. His father him used to say that weakness came from a lack of knowledge.

_Chan later told him that weakness was not being able to care for your own memories._

And Hyunjin didn’t know if he was knowledgeable enough for his father, he supposed that at ten he wasn’t, and he didn’t understand much what his mother meant by that.

“Hyunjin, it’s simple, weakness comes from your own mind. The limits you impose yourself.” She tried to explain one day. But it made Hyunjin confused even more.

“But,” He said, “what are the limits about? I don’t understand” his mother sighed.

“It’s all about morals my son.” She tried again, “It’s simple. Would you steal from someone?” And Hyunjin didn’t understand why stealing was important on this topic, but he didn’t want to disappoint his mother, so he still answered.

“I don’t think so.” It was his mother’s turn to frown. “Why?”

“I don’t have any reason to steal, stealing will mean I need something, and I don’t need anything.” She chuckled quietly, as a woman of her posture was taught to do, more of a habit now than anything else, but it added to her presence.

“Okay, so let’s imagine you really need something, and to get it, you have to steal. Will you?” Hyunjin shrugged.

“Sure. If someone has something I want and if it’s the only solution, then yes.” His mother hummed a bit.

“Why the last solution?” She asked once again.

“Well, socially speaking stealing is bad, if I get caught I can get into troubles.”

“But will you have problems stealing? You? Morally?”

He paused for a bit, pondering on the question. Will he have any problems stealing? Will he feel bad? Will he think about the person he stole from?

“…I guess I’ll not.”

His mother smiled.

“Then you’re not weak my son.”

And Hyunjin, in his child’s heart, felt happy for the first time in a long period for making his mother’s proud.

Proudness was a hard reward to get from parents like his. It wasn’t like they were abusive or even just unloving, quite the contrary in fact, but they had expectations. High expectations that were even harder to meet. But it was all okay because Hyunjin will be the perfect son, he will the person they could be proud about. He will be everything they wanted because he loved them. And they were the only ones at this point of time he felt like this towards in this world.

So Hyunjin, not having any interests himself except pleasing his family, let himself be molded in what his parents would want him to be. He let himself become the person he should be.

He supposed it was commonly seen as being a sad thing, scarifying your own self for something you were not. But Hyunjin didn’t know exactly who he was back then. He didn’t know what excited him, what made him happy except making the persons he loved proud. He wasn’t sad, he was indifferent. He knew his parents were trying to manipulate him to be the person they wanted him to be. After all, they were the ones who taught him how to see when people tried to do that, and how to do it in the first place.

Maybe they knew he also knew and made this into a test, he wouldn’t expect less from his parents it was the kind of things they could do to prepare him for later, or maybe it was just that they didn’t care or thought naively, that Hyunjin will not notice because they were his parents.

But it was okay, he didn’t care. If it was what they wanted, all of it was okay. He was used of his life being dull anyways. He was used to not care. He was used to seeing his life as if he was playing a video game and he was the player who could see his character in a third person point of view. He wasn’t mad. He couldn’t, he didn’t want to be. Not at his parents, not at the only person he loved.

He wondered sometimes if they knew, how much Hyunjin loved them and used it against him, knowing very well that they could control him and use him as a puppet as much as they wanted if Hyunjin kept loving him. Maybe it was why, plus his beauty, they gave him everything. If everything could go his way, if everything he wanted was given to him, if everything he said was law for a lot of people, if everything he mocked was excused, if he could be a God amongst humans, then he could let his creators do whatever they wanted with him. He didn’t think his parents saw it that way, but maybe they did.

Maybe it was the price to pay for their love.

Love was something familiar to his heart, but it wasn’t something he could give easily. And he thought for a long time, that his parents returned love will be enough for him. That whatever will come his way, nothing will make him happier than to know his parents loved him.

But fate decided otherwise. Fate decided that three years later, he will give his love to another person that will change his own life for the best and the worst.

Three years later, Hyunjin saw a boy in a dark alley.

Three years later, Hyunjin saw cold eyes and determined fingers doing a horrible act to an innocent child.

Three years later, Hyunjin saw Chan for the first time.

Three years later, Hyunjin fell in love.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Quite honestly, seeing Chan the day everything went down was a coincidence.

Hyunjin didn’t know what was happening when he arrived. He was just a kid going to his violin lessons after classes, how was he supposed to guess he will see what he saw on this day? Sure, he knew those things happened, heck at this point he knew it was a huge part of his own family business, but you even if you know all about those things, even if you know they exist, nothing can prepare you to the day you actually see it by yourself.

And Hyunjin saw. Hyunjin saw a boy so concentrated on what he was doing he didn’t notice the other boy standing a bit further from him. He didn’t hear his footsteps getting slowly closer to him, and he didn’t hear them stop.

The boy he would know later as Chan hadn’t been careful enough back then, and let a witness live on his first crime.

And Hyunjin just watched.

At first, he was petrified. An emotion taking over his body, making it impossible for him to move. And Hyunjin was pretty sure that what he was feeling, at this exact moment, was fear. A fear of being next. A fear of being seen. A fear of the boy of his age calculating thoughtfully how to cut someone’s hand out of their body.

Then the sound of the knife cutting through the flesh and the distinct one of the bones cracking under the pressure of the knife woke him up from his lethargy. Everything was happening so fast. And he finally was able to move. He was able to go and ran away.

But he didn’t. He kept watching instead.

It was dangerous, he knew it. If the boy saw him right now, he was as good as dead. But he still watched. There was something fascinating about the scene that was occurring a few feet away, something strange. And Hyunjin watched with morbid curiosity the boy expressions, how he was operating.

Coldness. If there was one word to describe his actions, it would be this one. No emotions, nothing, but just a pure need to get this hand out of this body, out of this little boy who looked so much younger from where he stood.

_Fascinating_

Hyunjin heart started to beat at an alarming rate. He didn’t understand why, maybe it was fear, maybe it was just pure fascination towards how much coldness and indifference went through this act, considered as horrible by many. How most people will feel something, but this stranger just didn’t. He was as cold as ice, getting through the motions as if the sight of what he was doing would be enough to make most people throw up.

_I wish I could be like him_

That was the man his parents wanted him to be, he thought. Someone who could do the most despicable acts without caring at all. But it wasn’t that, right? The reason he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

_I wish I could see him doing it again_

It was beautiful. The way he moved, the way he was doing it as if he was just cutting through animal meat. It was like a dance, beautifully choreographed just for one spectator, him, the only audience in the public of this macabre spectacle, it felt like it was made just for him, and only him. Did the boy want someone to see? Him, maybe? He felt something bloom in his chest.

_I wish I could see him again_

And as soon as this thought crossed his mind, the flower in his heart bloomed to its fullest, and the feeling he wasn’t supposed to have for anyone else than his parents came into his heart at full force.

_Beautiful, all of this is beautiful_

He watched the boy picking up the body to put him at the center of the road, the new amputated child looking petrified as if the horror of his situation was forever framed into his face, as if time itself stopped there.

Was he putting the body right here for Hyunjin to find? Was it a gift he was offering him? Hyunjin giggled at the thought.

_Stupid Hyunjin, he doesn’t know you yet!_

He watched from afar the new object of his attention, doing his best to stay hidden in the shadows trying to not be noticed, putting his backpack on, and leaves as fast as he arrived, leaving the body of the young child alone in the dirty street. Leaving Hyunjin alone.

_I will see you again and then when I will, will you also love me?_

Hyunjin wasn’t sure how to react to such new feelings, he was used to love, but his parents one never made him this happy, it was all new, and all he needed was to look at him. Was it what people in the movies called love at first sight? He laughed. It was wonderful, such a nice feeling! Hyunjin was happy, so happy. He couldn’t stop smiling, he just wanted to go back home and find everything already about him, who he was.

Did he go to the same school as him? What did he like? Was he always like that with everything? Was he able to feel things? If he did not, will Hyunjin be the one he finally fell for later? He couldn’t help but blush at the last one. Hyunjin will make himself worth it of his affection, he promised.

But first, he had to deal with the gift his loved one left just for him.

Hyunjin felt another kind of giddiness while looking over the boy. If he didn’t do anything right now, the boy will die. Which meant something entirely new for Hyunjin.

It meant he had power over him.

It wasn’t just the kind of power he was used to have, where he just needed to snap his fingers and people will just give him anything if it meant he could be happy. No. It was the kind of power that made him the only determining if the child will live or not. He had the choice. He could play a bigger game that he is used to.

And it was exciting, Hyunjin couldn’t help himself but be even happier. Another great thing his prince charming gave him! An entire new bunch of feelings he didn’t experience for a really long time.

He thanked fate once again for being so lucky. He smiled.

“Hey little one, do you wanna play a game?”

Silence. And then a laugh.

“Of course you do what a question!! Kids your age love games heheheh” Hyunjin put out of his pocket a coin.

“What do you think about that? Tails you live, heads you die. Do you want to reverse it?”

But the only thing the boy did was losing even more blood.

“I guess you’re happy with it!!” He giggled even more.

“So….” He flipped the coin.

“One…” Silence surrounded him, the blood almost at his shoes.

“Two….” But he had fun, he was happy, controlling a life he shouldn’t have power over. It felt enthralling. Will his loved one let him do something like that with him one day?

“Three!”

And fate decided once again the destiny of the ones she had power over.

Tails.

Hyunjin pouted a bit.

But well, a game is a game.

“Congrats little one, you won!”

And Hyunjin started to scream for help.

 

* * *

 

The good thing about having parents like Hyunjin ones, was that if he wanted to, he could find info about anyone he wanted to. He just needed the basics, and to know how he looked, tell the right people, and in less than two hours, everything he wanted to know was in his possession. No questions asked, because he was his parents’ son and also it was Hyunjin, the one nobody ever said no to, and all the answers given to him.

His name was Bang Chan. And he did go to the same school as his. The permanent smile on his face he had since he saw Chan for the first time got even bigger. Truly, fate was on his side with this one. He’ll just have to look for him at school, to see by himself everything that he liked, he will almost not need the help of some…people to watch over him and take pics and videos of Chan for him, he will be able to do all of that by himself.

And then, he will also be able to go to him by himself, to learn more about how he was. He will be the one for him, he’ll be here whenever he needed him. He promised. He will.

Hyunjin was in love. Insanely, happily, and he wanted to be with Chan the most. He wanted to make him happy. He wanted to give him everything and even more. Will he let him? Will he let him love Chan?

_Will you love me?_

Hope was a strong feeling. Hope was what make you go in life. And hope was enough to change things, to change your own life for the better, hope was all you needed to believe in something.

But hope was even easier to crush.

Because he learned soon, the first time he even tried to go after Chan, that loving Chan meant also knowing a Lee Minho.

And if Hyunjin fell in love at first sight with Chan, he hated Minho at first glance as well.

It was so easy to see and to know what Chan was feeling towards Minho. After all, Hyunjin was only really good in one thing, reading people. And if Chan looked at the world indifferently, trying to fit in as if he was like everyone else, Hyunjin screamed internally for him to not do that because he was so much better than the rest of humanity, he looked at Minho like he held the world in his hands.

Bang Chan, his loved one, was in love with someone else.  

The happiness he felt until now turned into something else, something uglier.

Jealousy. Angriness. Greediness.

For the time in his life, Hyunjin wished he was someone else.

For the first time in his life, Hyunjin wanted to kill someone.

Minho didn’t deserve Chan’s affection. Chan was a being that deserved the best of the best, he deserved someone who will understand him, who’ll be able to do anything for him. Not someone so indifferent, not someone who was just perfection, but as bland as a white sheet.

Not someone who was as fake as Minho was.

Maybe he could deceive the rest of the world, but not Hyunjin. Hyunjin had to deal with people like this since he was a child, people who were professional at hiding who they truly were. Minho was not perfect. Minho just gave the illusion of being the incarnation of it. He will give him credits and say he was doing really a good job at hiding his true nature, but he was not fooling him, Hyunjin could see through him.

Someone like this didn’t deserve so much affection from the superior being that was Chan. And he didn’t know how he did it, but whatever it was, Chan fell in love with the wrong person.

_It should have been me_

Jealousy was an ugly feeling. And he didn’t like it.

For the longest time, Hyunjin plotted to kill Minho. He hesitated many times, and almost did a few times, but he never did. Because Chan will be sad. Chan will be mad. But even more importantly, Chan will not love the person who killed him.

Minho was important to him. Truth was, Minho was the only important thing in Chan’s eyes, and it was so obvious. No one could approach him without Chan’s approval, and maybe other students did it unconsciously, but the aura around them made it hard for anyone trying to get close.

Which meant two things, one, he couldn’t kill Minho. Killing Minho will just make him get killed by Chan, and Chan will never love him back like this. Two, it meant that if Hyunjin wanted to get close to Chan, he will have to meet the standards Chan imposed to be near Minho.

It made him want to puke.

He didn’t want to please Minho, he didn’t want to be his friend, he wanted Chan and only Chan. He wanted to be next to his loved one, to be the one he loved back. He wanted to make him happy.

Why did he have to make someone else happy about that? Did fate abandon him?

But one time, when he was still considering what to do and observing them from afar, he looked at Chan, and for once Chan looked back. He held his breath.

Indifference.

And then he turned away, looking back at Minho with the softest eyes Hyunjin knew for a fact was reserved for Minho.

This day Hyunjin lost it. He didn’t scream, he didn’t make a scene. But his hopes were crushed, and he just wanted to be near Chan, whatever it will cost him.

So Hyunjin decided to meet Chan standards to be Minho’s friend. Because a life near Chan was better than looking from afar. One day, he will able to stand next to him, at whatever Chan wanted him to be. He wanted, no, he needed to be next to him.

_I love you. If you can’t love me, will you let me be closer?_

And that’s how Hyunjin started to shape himself in another person once again, one he wasn’t happier to be, but one that would make the one he loved the most the happiest with him.

Everything has a price; he learned that very young after all.

 

* * *

 

 Shaping himself into Minho’s perfect friend hadn’t been hard, after all, he already got everything Chan needed for Minho. He was handsome, nobody could deny that, not even himself. Even though he didn’t particularly enjoy dancing, he could pretend he did and actually was good enough to be near the only that made Minho really smile. He was already known for being a nice guy, the perfect social butterfly everyone wanted to be friends with, and except if Chan was taking family into this matter, his history was clean, perfect. He did a crime by himself, and the rare cases where he was involved, no one could trace it back to him. Everything was perfect, at least perfect enough to meet Chan’s standards.

So why did he not approach him yet, after all this time?

It was frustrating to see his efforts to be wasted like that, and really, what Changbin and Seungmin had more than him? Nothing. One was just spending his time drawing, the other’s one taking pictures. Chan didn’t need people so useless, so common near him. He needed someone who could help him, he needed him. So why?

Maybe he should kill them. Maybe getting them out of his way would give him what he wanted. Hyunjin wasn’t used to not get what he wished for. But as much as he wished to get rid of them through the years, that’s not how he wanted his first time to be.

It should be romantic, and with Chan. They will kill someone together, and Chan will teach him how to do it, how to make sure his victim trusts him. How to silence them, how to cut, how to not make a mess, he was so excited about that. Will he teach him?

Would he enjoy it?

Thinking about those things made him smile, made the feelings he had for Chan taking over his body to the fullest, and at those moments it was the only thing he could focus, how much he loved him, how much he wanted him. Maybe, just maybe he will love him back one day.

But then Minho’s face will appear as well in his head, and his smile disappeared with him.

 

Hyunjin never really stopped following Chan around, he guessed people could call him a stalker. But not him, it was just to know him better, to see someone he loved and couldn’t get. It was normal, nothing wrong with that. When he couldn’t, he asked for people to do it for him and to film everything, and late at night, he watched the filmed of Chan walking around, Chan trying to look like a normal person, he giggled when he was seeing him forgetting, looking at the world as it really was, trash.

Sometimes Hyunjin could see the doubt on the people who worked for him faces, wondering why they were ordered to follow around a high schooler, someone who wasn’t reputed, someone who will not give him anything. But of course, they didn’t say anything. Hyunjin snickered. He wondered if one day one of those cowards will have enough courage to mention it to his parents, but he doubted it. They all were useless except for being used. They couldn’t do something by themselves, they needed to be ordered around, never objecting, never really questioning.

So, they could think whatever they wanted, at the end of the day, they’ll still do everything Hyunjin asked them to do, kneeling at his feet if he ever asked them to.

Pathetic.

Not like Chan, Chan was strong, Chan was perfect for this world. He was the only one who didn’t lie because he probably could see it as it really was. Chan was a reflection of it, Chan was honest. Chan hid himself just because he was in love with someone undeserving. But when he will stop and love him instead, all of it will be okay.

Chan will be able to be himself with him. He couldn’t wait.

But until then, until he noticed him, he will have to be content with just following him around, to see things about him far away and not with him. He just had to be patient.

Patience was all he needed, he could do it. After all, it already been almost three years now since the first time he saw him, what more could do?

_Patience Hyunjin, patience. One day your day will come_

 

* * *

 

 

Things started to change when Felix arrived, all new and pure from Australia. Things started to change when Minho started to take an interest in him. And Hyunjin smiled because from afar, he could see Chan’s expression, and he knew.

A new present will be gifted to him soon.

And again, Minho was disturbing him. His way to be, his everything. He was supposed to be in love, didn’t he? He was acting like he was, but that’s all it was, acting. He didn’t see anything else through his empty eyes. Sometimes Hyunjin wondered if Minho wasn’t the one who didn’t feel anything. And Hyunjin frowned. If he didn’t feel anything, why acting as he did?

Hyunjin didn’t want to think so much about Minho, he didn’t like him and probably never will. But he was his loved one’s everything, and as such, he had to also know all about him. But Minho was an enigma. A perfect actor in an imperfect world. Knowing something was wrong with him was easy, knowing what he was thinking about, who he really was, wasn’t.

But it didn’t matter, he should thank him actually, especially the day when he kissed Felix on the cheek. Chan was going to have fun.

And Hyunjin? Hyunjin, he smiled again.

When Chan decided to finally take what was his, Hyunjin was here as well. Hyunjin saw once again, from afar. He didn’t follow him in the bus, no, he let someone else do this for him and tell him where he was after. If Chan felt like he was followed, then it would be a problem. Even though Chan was focused on what he was doing, he couldn’t take any risk, he needed to see.

He waited way too long for that moment. Three more years, to see Chan doing what he was made to do once again, he couldn’t wait to see the dance, the routine, how did Chan want to cut this time?

As careful as he was to not be seen, Hyunjin was even more to not be noticed. He was used to it now, to hide in the shadows, to make sure Chan don’t see him. He knew his habits, he knew how he proceeded when he didn’t want to be recognized. Hyunjin was probably the one who knew him the most at this point. After all, he did everything in his power to be.

And once again, Chan didn’t see him. But Hyunjin saw everything.

If how he cut through Jeongin had been a fast, precipitated, cutting through Felix had been meticulous. The choreography was more refined, slow movements and gestures that formed and everything, cutting through the flesh in a way where the what he exactly wanted was chopped off, not taking more or less than necessary. The concentration on his face more prominent, small frown and bitten lip. If Jeongin had been a powerful performance, where while watching it you feel your heart beating fast and you just can’t breathe anymore for a minute entranced by how captivating it was, Felix one had been elegant, gracious. Where you just feel calm and rested while seeing it, the elegance of it all making you just see how beautiful the dancer was moving around, focusing your attention on him, and just him.

Chan was always beautiful, but Hyunjin thought he was the most when he was with a knife.

Once again, he put the body in plain display in the alley, once again, he ran away as fast as possible once he took what he needed. And once again, Hyunjin was the only one around who saw everything. Once again, he was the only one who could decide of the fate of one of Chan’s victim. He giggled.

Hyunjin took a coin out of his pocket.

“Hey Felix, we never really talked but, do you wanna play a game?”

 

* * *

 

 

What Hyunjin didn’t expect by playing with Felix’ life, was that later he would be a constant Chan had to take care of later.

Maybe he should have killed Changbin after all. He didn’t know what happened the night where Chan killed him, his first real murder how sad it was he couldn’t see it even years later Hyunjin felt unhappy about not seeing it with his own eyes, but Changbin was the reason why Chan couldn’t let go. He didn’t know what he did, but it made him angry.

How once again someone who didn’t deserve Chan to even look at him, made him take care of him like that? What weakness did Changbin use against Chan to make him do that?

What weakness was it? Hyunjin didn’t know. Hyunjin didn’t know something about Chan, something that Changbin did. How did he, how did he find something out of Chan that he, who looked at him and only him every day and every night missed? How did someone undeserving do that? How?

But the final result was there, someone else was important in Chan’s life. He wasn’t loved like Minho was, oh no, but he was cared for. Not because he was loved, but by obligation. And Chan didn’t want anything to happen to him.

He asked for the security cameras recording of the hospital, just to know how he acted towards Felix if it was different, but no, nothing at all. He acted towards him as he did towards everyone else, wearing the same mask as with the rest of the world, nothing was different.

Whatever Changbin did, he made him spent less time with Minho, and Chan probably wasn’t happy about that. And if Chan wasn’t happy, then Hyunjin will also not be.

Things went back almost to normal after that. Almost.

Because things between Minho, Chan, and Seungmin were different now. He guessed it was normal after two people basically disappeared from their daily life, one who actually died. But the thing was, it was mostly affecting Seungmin. Chan didn’t care, and Minho just didn’t talk about it.

It didn’t take too long before someone snapped, and Seungmin had been the one who did.

He didn’t know exactly what happened, he just saw Seungmin getting angry, Minho leaving, and Chan giving the coldest glare he could muster towards Seungmin. And that’s when it hit him, Chan was slipping. In public. Not good. His loved one was making a mistake.

He had to do something. He must do something. For him. Chan needed his help this time, really. And Hyunjin would do anything to help. So he didn’t think, he just jumped on the occasion and went to their table. Chan needed him, he thought. He couldn’t think about anything else.

_He needs me he needs me he needs me, let me help, let me be close, I want to talk to you, I want you to know I’ll always be there, will you let me be by your side? Please…_

“Hmm, Bang Chan? Can I talk to you, please?”

He did it. He talked to him. Finally. After six years he did it. Chan's eyes were really on him, focusing on his person alone for more than a second. Chan was looking at him. Chan Chan Chan Chan, only Chan. For just a moment, a second, he was the only one he was seeing, no Minho, no Seungmin, his all focus on Hyunjin, could it be like this later? Chan was the center of his world, and for once, he was his as well.

_I love you, I can’t wait to tell you_

For a moment he thought that Chan will refuse him, he will say “no, maybe later” and go back to what he was saying to Seungmin. It seemed like it was what he really wanted to do. But he didn’t. Instead, he muttered a small “okay” -Chan talked to him, Chan talked to him, finally- and followed him to the place he was going to confess.

The giddiness of his stomach was back, he was so happy. Chan was just his for a few minutes, no one to be distracted by, just him, and Chan. And Chan will not be able to ignore him, or be indifferent towards him, he knew. He knew what to say to please him. And he will do it, for him, because Chan deserved the best. And Hyunjin was what he needed. He was sure of it.  

Even if it wasn’t as a lover as he wished, he would be what he needed.

“I…First, my name is Hwang Hyunjin, we’re…. we’re the same age.” Pardon him the stutter and the hesitation, but he felt so happy, so ready. Stressed, as well. Not by being rejected, he knew he will be, but just stressed by talking to Chan.

“Okay Hyunjin, what can I do for you?” His voice was so beautiful, so perfect. And those words were just for him, for Hyunjin.

“Oh! Oh, I think you know. I just wanted to say that I have a crush on you…. I-I love you…” He said it, he finally did.

Chan gave him a look as if he expected more. But he didn’t need to say more. He loved him, he loved Bang Chan, any other words would be too much, or not enough.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry Hyunjin but…” But he will not let him finish. Because first, being ready to get rejected and actually getting rejected was two different things. Secondly, he knew, he didn’t expect anything. He just wanted to help him.

“Oh, I know! You love Minho, right? I know. Just…I wanted to be your friend? You’re searching for new friends for him. If…If it makes me closer to you, I can totally be his friend. If you want. I’ll be a good one I promise.”

Chan looked surprised, and Hyunjin was happy. He was showing emotions in front of him. Not that many, not the most important, but real emotions, he wondered if Chan noticed.

“Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about Hyunjin I-“ But Hyunjin didn’t want to hear it. But Chan needed to know it was okay to be himself. With him. Just him.

“Don’t put your face on with me! You don’t need it! It’s okay, I love you without it, I love you, not that. I know, it’s okay.” Hyunjin took a deep breath, “I-I know what you did to Felix. It’s okay I won’t tell anyone.  I promise, don’t hate me! Just, I know. You don’t have to put up a front with me it’s okay, I love you like this.”

He then smiled, really smiled, to show how much he loved him, hoping his feelings will get through him like this, hoping he will understand, hoping he will accept him. But Chan didn’t look convinced, not yet, he had to try harder.

He will.

“Listen, I don’t-“

“I saw you! You cut off his cheek, right? You made him sleep. I saw. It’s okay Chan I won’t tell anyone; I love you like this.”

“You…saw me?”

Ah, that was the part he was worried about. He didn’t think Chan would feel creeped out, of course not, it was Chan after all, but maybe he will consider him dangerous for Minho. And that was what he was scared about.

“Yes! I…huh, followed you? But I do it for a while now it’s okay you never noticed! I’m very discreet, hehe”

He could see Chan thinking about it, thinking if continuing this discussion was worth it or not if Hyunjin was worthy. He was.

“…Since when?”

“Do I follow you? Oh years!!! I saw you cut…What was his name again? Yeongjin?”

“Jeongin.”

“Right! Jeongin. You looked so awesome, so cool. The expression on your face was the best. I just wanted to see you do things like that once more. But you know how long you made me wait? So long.”

It was okay, the wait had been worth it, but still. He hoped Chan will take him next time to kill someone, at least he will be able to see by himself, even participate, missing Changbin’s murder had been a huge disappointment after all.

“Why now? Why confess now?” He didn’t expect less from him, of course, he will be careful. That was his Chan for you. He laughed.

“The look you gave to Seungmin, how Minho left…. You seemed to need help. And I tried to be subtle at first you know! I wanted you to go to me first because I did everything you asked for someone to be Minho’s friend! Not his admirer. Handsome. Having at least one shared interest with him-

“What is it?”

“Dancing! Being a kind person. I also have a clean history, no problems, nothing. But you never did.”

Ah, he was rambling now. Maybe he was more nervous that he thought he was. He had still trouble understanding all of that was real, that Chan was really here, talking to him, in reality, not just a dream he was having of him. All of this was real. It was still hard to believe.

“So, hum, I promise I’ll be a good friend. How is it? I’ll do anything else if you ask! I just want to be close to you.” Please, say yes. Please.

“Anything?”

Hyunjin eyes lighted up. It was it.

“Of course! I promise!”

“Good.” Chan was accepting him, Chan considered him worth it.

“Make Kim Seungmin fall in love with you.”

Everything Chan will ever ask for, he will give him. Everyone Chan wanted, he will give them to him. And if Chan first request was to make someone fell in love with him? He will do it. He will prove himself.

Chan will not regret letting him into his life, never.

_It’s a promise Hyunjin, let’s be perfect till the end!_

 

Honestly, Hyunjin almost felt sorry for Seungmin, making him fall had been way too easy.

Was he lonely? Probably. Seungmin told him a lot of personal things while he was trying to seduce him. He trusted him. Too easily, too soon, but he did.

“I think Minho knows that Chan loves him, you know? I think Minho used it sometimes. Chan would do anything for him. It isn’t hard to notice, but he still tries so hard to hide it.”

Well, Seungmin was observant at least. But Minho? Knowing about Chan’s feelings? He doubted it.

“Why are you so sure, that Minho is using him?” He asked. Seungmin chuckled.

“I’m not sure. It’s a feeling. But don’t you think it’s weird? They have known each other for so long, don’t you think Minho would know him a bit more than that? For what I know, they always had been together, always. And yet, Minho would not notice anything, all these years? Come on, Minho is a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them.”

He never saw things under this angle. Maybe he was right. Maybe Hyunjin should be more careful of him, maybe he will make Chan really unhappy one day, that won’t do.

“You’re saying that, but Chan also had been always with him, won’t he notice if he was hiding something?” Seungmin snorted at that.

“Please, Chan will never notice anything if it’s about Minho. Actually, no. It’s wrong, he notices everything if Minho is concerned. But if it’s Minho himself? Chan just sees him as this perfect being, that he is the only who can truly love him. Chan would not think Minho could use him, because it’s simply something Minho would not do to him in his mind.”

“You know him well.” He chuckled.

“I actually don’t.” Seungmin smiled sadly. “I’m afraid no one does.”

He didn’t say more, and he didn’t need to, because Hyunjin understood. But that Seungmin knew about it, he didn’t expect it. He was almost getting attached and ah, he wasn’t supposed to. Seungmin was just his victim. Seungmin was going to die from his own hands, Chan promised him he will be here to do it.

But hey, maybe killing his own boyfriend will make things a bit spicier? Ah, he couldn’t wait to see the betrayal in his eyes.

But for now, he still had to seduce him, to be shaped in what Seungmin wanted, needed. He needed him to love him more and more. Until Chan thought it was enough until Chan decided it was time. And Hyunjin couldn’t wait to finally be a part of it all.

Seungmin lack of affection had been his doom when he thought about it, it was really tragic. Such tragedies were always the most beautiful to witness, so he tried even harder, to make him fall more and more, until the day Seungmin finally asked him out, shyly, but loving him. And of course, Hyunjin smiled and said yes. Because that’s what was asked of him. Chan will be proud of him, he was sure of it.

And one day, it was enough. It was time to act. Hyunjin couldn’t help but admire how many details and thoughts Chan put into it, was he already a professional? Hyunjin never thought through things, people did it for him usually. Indeed, Chan was awesome. He was the one he loved after all.

_“It’s not revenge, Hyunjin”_

_"It’s fate.”_

Killing Seungmin had been as expected, really fun. The whole scenario, the spectacle, the betrayal was such a good plot twist, seeing it on his face had been the best part, the highlight of the night. He wondered how it felt to see someone you loved so much betraying you like this. It must be hard, it must be crushing. And it added just a bit more to the scene, the audience was on fire, he could hear it. What will be the dancers next moves? How were they going to proceed? The audience held their breaths.

Seungmin death had been bloody. There weren’t any other words for it. Pieces of fresh cut flesh around, Chan cutting through his body meticulously, himself covered in so much blood, no matter how hard he tried to protect his clothes. It didn’t take long before Seungmin’s body had been reduced to a small pile. It was weird when he thought about it. At one point, this pile of flesh had been a living creature, a creature in love with him, with feelings, but now? It was nothing. Just flesh. No thoughts or feelings were emitting from this.

The spectacle ended, the curtains close, and what was left was the dancers behind the scenes cleaning the mess.

“Hyunjin?”

“Yes?”

“You did a great job.”

And every mess, every trouble he could get in, everything, was worth it. Just for this moment. Just for Chan telling him he had been good. He will always be good. For him. If it meant Chan could give him a satisfied smile then no matter the amount of blood on his hand, no matter what will happen in the future, it was okay.

Loving Chan had been the best thing to happen to him after all. He was sure of it.

Everything had a price. Seungmin had been the one to pay for his own happiness. He hoped he understood, wherever he was now.

And Chan was happy with him. No witnesses. No clues. Nothing. They were both out of it as soon as they did it. Chan was happy. Chan let him stay. And Hyunjin was now part of his life, fully. He couldn’t ask for more, he could hope for more of course, but for now, it was enough. It was a dream come true.

Chan didn’t feel anything towards him, not yet, but he will. He was sure of it. One day, Chan will go to him, him and only him.

Minho didn’t feel anything towards Seungmin death, or at least he was really good at hiding it. And Hyunjin couldn’t help but remember what Seungmin used to say, one day, about Minho.

_“The world could collapse around him, and he will still stay strong, as if nothing bothered him, to be the role model people want to have in those situations. The real question is, at what point really ends and fiction begins? At what point you can say it’s not Minho if it’s always how he is?”_

Seungmin had been right, in retrospect. He always had been concerning his two friends. That’s why he wanted to forget. Because if he had been right all this time, if he had been right….

_“Minho and Chan are truly made for each other don’t you think?”_

And this wasn’t something he wanted to believe in.

One day, one day Chan would only see him, right?

So why was it harder and harder to believe in it?

 

* * *

 

 

The next few years were a dream, a dream he never wanted to wake up from. Later while he was older, he still considered them as the happiest of his life. The days where he was nothing but someone Chan leaned on, someone Chan trusted to show him the entirety of his collection, how beautiful it was, and Chan was showing him real emotions, maybe he didn’t notice, maybe he didn’t know. But he still did. And Hyunjin was just happy to be here for him, to be useful.

He always was useful. He will never get left behind, that was his promise to himself. Never disappoint, be perfect for him. Chan deserves the best, Chan deserves you at your best. And you can only stand next to him if you are at your best.

And so, little by little, he helped Chan growing his collection. Being in the family he was in, finding new ways to get everything in the easiest way seemed to please him. And if Chan was happy, then he was happy.

Chan was proud of him, he knew it. He was sure of it, after all, he was smiling at him, praised him. And it wasn’t fake! Not at all. Never, not at him. Chan acknowledged him. Chan will never be fake with him, right? He knew.

And for his great services, he could ask for more once, he would not be mad, he will reward him. Because Hyunjin was doing a great job, Hyunjin was helping him. Chan will not say no, right? Chan will not, not to him. Because Chan was starting to like him, he was sure of it.

_Will you say yes if I asked for a kiss?_

“What is it?”

“Can you give me a kiss? Pretty please?”

He could see the hesitation on Chan’s face as if he was wondering if Hyunjin deserved it or not. If Chan didn’t want to then, he will be sad, but he’ll accept it. He’ll just have to work harder again. He could be better, he’ll always be better, for him, for Chan.

But on this particular day, he didn’t have to be better, because, on this day, Chan finally gave him the most precious reward he could ask for.

“Okay. Come here.”

He almost jumped into Chan’s arms, and after a bit of effort on Chan’s part to calm him down, it was finally happening. Chan was kissing him. His first kiss. And probably Chan’s first one as well. He couldn’t help but let his feelings take over his mind and his soul. He was the first Chan put his lips on, he was Chan’s first. No one could ever steal him that, it wasn’t Minho, it wasn’t someone else, it was him, Hyunjin. A moment just for him.

Chan tasted like perfection. And even if the kiss had been short, even if it had been soft, nothing more than soft lips against plump ones, even if Chan didn’t look like he enjoyed it very much, even with all of that, Hyunjin was happy. And if he could stay in this moment forever, if he could create a time loop to be stuck in for eternity, he’ll do it. Was it wrong of him to want to stay with Chan in this little bubble no one could break? He wanted it, he wanted this more than anything else.

And for a while, he got everything.

He got Chan, the love of his life, he got Felix, a new friend he truly appreciated after a while, even if he couldn’t really say it to Chan, he would not like it. But Felix had been a friend, a real friend. Something he never had before. Someone to appreciate. Maybe it was because he was amnesic, but he was pure, he wasn’t like the rest of the world.

He didn’t feel like that for a lot of people, and it wasn’t love, but it was a new feeling he appreciated. Friendship was nice, friendship was something he didn’t think he will have one day, but he did. And once again, it was because of Chan. Chan gave him everything, Chan was the source of his happiness. Chan was his God.

And Minho? Minho was smiling again. And even though he didn’t like him, it made Chan truly smile as well. Although he will give up everything to be the one to make Chan feels like this, it was enough for now. Because Chan was happy. And if Minho was the one to make him, then it was okay. Then Minho was useful. And if Chan was happy, Hyunjin always, forever, will be as well.

Indeed, those years were like a dream, those years felt like perfection. But everything has an end.

You always must wake up one day after all. And to Hyunjin, waking up happened in his first year of college.

At first, everything went well. Chan _trusted_ him to keep an eye on Minho. And it meant so much to Hyunjin. It meant Chan had enough faith with him to make sure his most precious memory was safe, and it was all Hyunjin could ask for.

But then, something happened. Something that he should have let happens, but he did.

He let Jisung enter Minho’s life.

The worst part of all of this is, it was intentional.

Hyunjin got greedy. He knew if he let Jisung into Minho’s life, Chan will snap. Chan will kill. And it had been so long, he wanted this thrill again, he wanted to see someone suffer. He wanted to see Chan cold eyes. He wanted to be a part of it once again. So he let him. He let him seduce Minho without saying anything to Chan, playing dumb for the first time in front of him. He felt bad, Chan never liked liars, and if he knew he was lying, he would not be happy. And more than anything else, disappointed.

Hyunjin didn’t like that, Hyunjin didn’t want that. But it was a small lie, right? If it was just one time, he could be selfish, he could be greedy. Everyone can be occasionally, he could as well. Chan will not be mad. Never. Not at him. He would understand.

It was his first mistake. Thinking he could control how Chan sees things, thinking he actually knew perfectly how he functioned. Because he didn’t, nobody did.

Jisung was cute, he could admit that. He could understand why Minho would fall in love. His expressions were…sincere with him. There was something in him that wasn’t here before, shining eyes instead of empty ones. He almost felt bad for him, really.

But he didn’t regret kidnapping Jisung the day of the showcase. He didn’t regret doing everything Chan asked him to do once again. Ah, he couldn’t wait to know what they were going to do this time.

“So? So? What are we gonna cut this time?”  He asked, not being able to contain his own excitement.

But Chan answer didn’t please him. Chan answer wasn’t something he wanted. It wasn’t how things were supposed to go down. And Hyunjin looked once again at the man in his arms. This one wasn’t going to be killed. This one wasn’t going to cut off. No…

_“You want to…Keep him?” He could see Chan’s smile, the kind he had if his collection was mentioned. The kind he never used for anything else._

_“Yes, Hyunjin. I just adopted a new pet.”_

No, Jisung fate was to stay close to Chan forever. And that, that Hyunjin didn’t like.

He was so angry. Why couldn’t he just die? Did Jisung entirety was more important than the rest? He still did as he was told, because Hyunjin didn’t like disobeying Chan, but still. It hurt. He didn’t want him to be so close. He had to go, he had to. Why couldn’t Chan see it, how dangerous it was? How useless? It wasn’t what was supposed to be in his collection.

He wanted to protest, he wanted to tell Chan that it wasn’t a good thing, he wanted all of that. But Chan didn’t listen. And Hyunjin realized he never did.

Jisung stayed.

Hyunjin looked at him. He was such a pain to take care of as well. First, he had to get drugs for him, every day. And people were starting to get suspicious. Sure, it meant nothing, they will not say anything to him, but his parents? When they’ll realize, they’ll ask questions. Questions he didn’t want to answer, he didn’t want to. It wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have with the people he used to love more than anything else.

And more than that, he still didn’t want to disappoint them. Disappointing the people, he loved, still loved, wasn’t an option. He couldn’t.

Second of all, what was interesting about him? Chan always looked at him with a satisfied smile, as if the simple sight of Jisung was enough to make him happy. He didn’t like that. Jisung looked like he was a breathing undead, an empty shell with no feelings most of the time. And when he wasn’t, he was crying, begging Chan to let him go, and later to kill him. What was fun about that?

The audience was bored; the audience wanted some action, the dancers weren’t doing a good job. Maybe they lost their touches?

But still, he couldn’t do anything, because Chan will be upset. If he ever did something to Jisung, he didn’t want to know what he’ll do to him.

He loved him. He’ll accept everything, he knew that. But what could be his punishment for this, for betrayal? He hoped he’ll never know.

But fate left his side a long time ago. He should have realized, he should have known.

The bell waking him up was ringing harder and harder.

 

Truthfully, it was an honest mistake. When Chan asked him to take care of Jisung, he did it. He didn’t want to let him go, he didn’t want to kill him, not consciously at least.

That’s why he was so surprised when he opened the door to Chan’s room, and when the smell of a putrefied body hit him. And then he saw the body at Chan’s feet.

The dream ended, it was time to wake up.

His punishment had been the worst thing that could happen to him; he would have preferred death, plain and simple, not this, never this.

Being separated for life from Chan was his worst nightmare, being in prison, for crimes he wasn’t the only one who committed them was unfair. But not to Chan. And if Chan thought it was the punishment he had to go through, then be it. He will the scapegoat of all of this. If Chan wanted him to go to prison, he’ll go. He just hoped one day he will forgive him, that one day he will let him leave and be with him once again. Was it so wrong of him to want to be with Chan for the rest of his life?

_I love you, Chan, nobody else does, will you let me be back to you one day?_

But it was a wish in vain because nothing after that was the same.

 

* * *

 

 

Going to prison had been easy. He admitted everything, didn’t need an advocate. And he was imprisoned almost as soon as he went to the nearest police station. Little to say, his parents weren’t happy with him.

“Listen Hyunjin, we will get you out of there soon. I…Don’t know what is in your mind and why you even admitted anything, but it’s okay. All of our family went here at one point or another, you’ll be back home soon, I promise, no-“

“No father” He interrupted.

“…What?”

“I’ll stay here. For a while.” He never saw his father look so angry, so ready to break the wall separating them in the parlor.

“Don’t fuck with me Hyunjin, my son will not stay in prison for so long do you understand?” His father never screamed, but he knew this voice. The dangerous one, the one he only used when he wanted his men to listen to him. But Hyunjin wasn’t one of them, he was his son. And his father wasn’t the one he had to obey, no, not him.

“No. I will not. One day I’ll be out, this day uses this plan or whatever you prepared to get me out. But for now, I’ll stay here. I have to.” he smiled, “Consider this as an experience of mine. I’ll get respected here, isn’t it what you want me to be when I’ll take your place? Respected?”

His father was speechless. He didn’t know when it happened, but his son, his precious son, wasn’t listening to him anymore. He thought about what he was saying for a while. In a sense he was right, prison for what he’ll have to take care of later, was a good experience to have under his belt, but still. A too long time in prison can also influence business and make people who are supposed to trust you later be careful of you. It was not good for that.

But looking at his son he knew he wouldn’t budge and forcing things could make it worse. He will have to wait for him to want to be out. Or that whatever was making him stay here, stopped. He just wished it wouldn’t be for too long.

“…Very well son. As you wish.” A pause. “It’s bad for business for me or your mother to go here. Call me whenever you want, call us when you need to be out,” he hesitated for a second. “And…Hyunjin?”

“Yes?”

“Remember that your mother and myself love you very much. Whatever you did, whatever you want.” Hyunjin eyes softened at that. He knew. His father never has been the most expressive one in this family, but he knew he loved him.

“I love you too dad.” It was silent after that. His father just nodded, got up, and left. Simply as that.

And Hyunjin was alone. Once again, far away from all the people he loved.

People in prison were…nice. And if he was honest with himself, it actually was really fun. Violence, people trying to follow rules they just couldn’t because it was against their nature, bets, blood, secrets. He loved him. Prison was a playground he couldn’t help but play in, manipulating people, creating conflicts, it was so easy. That was how he spent his days, and how they never got boring. Manipulating people to get the reactions he wanted was a puzzle he had to solve, and people here were so easy to understand most of the time. People wanted so much to either be forgotten or to prove to the others they were the most dangerous one, people in situations of stress, who always are careful of the people around them, were the easiest to manipulate.

Seeing people miserable was also extremely funny to him. While prison was his playground, accepting his punishment since day one, people being stolen by other inmates of their precious memories, trying hard to not show any emotions about it, new inmates trying hard to adjust, not having any of the comforts of what was now called “real life” behind the bars, no more coffee, no more cigarettes. Nothing. And it was one of the greatest spectacles he could have seen, human misery was fun to watch, he didn’t understand why people here never agreed with him.

Most of them avoided him. Even the people who used to work for him he sometimes saw here as well, probably condemned for a crime they committed did, even though if his parents knew about it, they could get into even worse troubles. They thought he was crazy. Maybe he was, but quite frankly, the opinion of men like them didn’t matter to him. It never had, and never will. He just needed Bang Chan. Some, bolder, talked to him. And it was with them Hyunjin had the best conversations. They understood how fun it was to kill, to torture, the beauty of it all. He thought those people could appreciate Chan as well, they will. He sometimes talked about him with them, and how beautiful he was while killing, and they all seemed impressed, wanting to meet him as much as Hyunjin wanted to see him once again.

He couldn’t wait for his letters. That was the only thing he regretted about prison, not seeing him, not communicating with him, not smelling him. He wanted to kiss him again if possible. Will he let him? He hoped he will.

Thinking about Chan made his most boring day happier. He just needed to remember how perfect he was to not feel sad or alone on those days. People avoiding him meant that at one point, he was just alone in his cell, even the guards letting him by himself, thinking he was too dangerous for the rest. He snickered at that. Hyunjin was nothing compared to his beloved Chan, if only they knew he was not that great.

So yeah, overall life in prison before was pretty great. Just a bit lonely though, nobody visited him after all, nobody wanted to, and he couldn’t blame anyone for that, he didn’t want them as well.

Except, one day, he got someone to visit him.

“Hey, someone is here for you today. You follow me.”

Hyunjin gets up from his solo bed frowning. Someone for him? Who would want to visit him? He thought for a second, maybe Chan, but Chan will never do things like this, no. He didn’t torture him enough. Seeing him would be a reward, and it hadn’t been long enough. So, who? Who could care enough about him to visit?

What was his surprise when he saw who it was.

Felix.

“Hey, Hyunjin, it’s been a while.” He smiled. And Hyunjin could only stare at him in shock while sitting down on the other side of the parlor.

“…Felix?” He smiled even more. “Yup, that’s me Hyunjin, how are you?”

But Hyunjin didn’t respond. Felix, his friend, his only friend, was here. Why, how? In Chan first letter, he clearly said Felix had been shocked and heartbroken, why was he here? And more importantly,

“Does Chan know you’re here?” Felix looked a bit embarrassed at that.

“No, I-, I’m sure he would not have let me go. And I wanted to see you. Whatever you did, I, hmm, we’re still friends, right?”

Hyunjin could cry. He had been right, all those years, the world didn’t deserve Felix.

“Do you really still wanna be friends with me?” Hyunjin laughed, “Me? Big old serial killer? Aren’t you disgusted? Afraid?” Hyunjin couldn’t help himself, he needed to tell him it was all true, even if he wasn’t the only one who did all of that, he was responsible. Felix needed more stable people in his life, and Chan will protect him from what was dangerous. He shouldn’t keep being friends with him, not Hyunjin.

He cared for him. His friend, his Felix. He should be happy, not only because someone made Chan promised all those years ago, but because, he, Hyunjin cared.

_Don’t be friend with me, protect yourself a bit more, please_

It was silent for a moment, and he could see Felix hesitates, as if he thought about that for a long time, but still didn’t have any answer to this particular question.

“I…I know you did horrible things to someone I used to know, and someone you disliked. But…” He sighed, “I might be really stupid. You’re my friend, and you’re living something hard right now, I...I have to support you. I cannot say I’m not disgusted by what you did, I am. But I still consider you as my friend, so please, don’t reject me?” And Felix just looked worried, as if Hyunjin being the one between the two to reject the other wasn’t something crazy.

He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to reject Felix. He didn’t want to cause him even more pain by doing so. What will Chan do? What will ask him to do? What should he do? Be selfish once again, and accept his friendship? Or reject him, and let him finally find happiness somewhere else?

“I…Felix. Okay.” He sighed. “You still want to be friend with me? Then let’s be.” Because Hyunjin could keep being selfish, at least for a while. What could be the consequence of this, anyway? He already was in prison, far away from Chan, except him being even madder and not sending any letter at all, nothing more could happen.

And Felix beamed.

“Great!! I-I have so much to tell you already! Life outside of these walls go so fast, and so you know…”

And Felix spent the rest of their hour together, talking about his life, how he was advancing in his studies, his future work. His project to go back to Australia, how he was afraid to talk seriously about it with Chan, fearing his reaction. How he was also worried about it, not being able to see him for a long time as well if he went, Hyunjin jokingly answering he’ll find a way to be transferred there. While not really joking at the same time because if he wanted, he could. But still, Felix laughed, and it was enough.

It was…nice, seeing him. Felix always had this ability to put him back down to earth, he made him feel, normal. It wasn’t an unwelcome feeling, it was just a weird one.

He was almost sad to see him go back to the real world, promising he was coming back soon, letting Hyunjin goes back to his playground. For a while, an hour, he couldn’t have fun with his toys, not finding them amusing anymore. But the feeling didn’t last, because Hyunjin was Hyunjin.

And no matter how much Felix could bring him down to earth, Hyunjin will always be back to his normal self. It never changed back then, and it never will. But he just wanted him to be safe. To be happy. And once again, he thanked Chan to be who he was, to make sure his precious friend was safe.

Talking about Chan, his letters were…. mean to say the least. He expected that Chan wanted to punish him. He wasn’t going to say nice words to him. But still, as much as he tried to ignore them, trying to focus on how happy he was Chan was actually sending them, it still hurt.

But once again, he could only blame himself. He was the only one responsible for this, he was the one who disappointed him. He was the one who put himself into this situation.

_You don’t have the right to be sad Hyunjin, Chan is doing this because you deserve it, so when you are out, you’ll be a better person who knows better. Don’t ever pity yourself Hyunjin._

 

He knew something was wrong when Chan sent his sixth letter though. Not once did he mention Minho. And if Chan didn’t say anything about him, then…It meant something was wrong. While answering he hesitated, wondering if pointing it out was a good idea. But Chan never liked liars and people who hid the truth. And with Jisung, Hyunjin saw the consequences of this. So he told him, asking if he was okay.

And he did right because when his seventh letter came, earlier than expected, the smile on Hyunjin’s face couldn’t disappear.

He was going to see Chan again.

For this particular day, Hyunjin prepared himself a lot, at least as much as someone in prison could. He took two showers, styled his hair in the best of his ability made sure his jail clothes were impeccable and followed the guard to the parlor with clearly visible excitement.

When he saw Chan through the window, he couldn’t help himself, he screamed. He was so happy. Chan, his precious Chan, his beloved was here, in front of him.

“HELLO CHAN, I MISSED YOU, I’M SO HAPPY!!” Hyunjin could see the pain on Chan’s face as if he already regretted to be here. But it was okay because it didn’t matter. Chan was here. It was the most important.

“Yes, I’m happy too, Hyunjin. Please calm down.”

“Ah yes yes! But I’m so happy!!! I thought I will be able to see you in a year or two, not just six months! I’m blessed, you’re still so perfect Chan, you’re even more beautiful than before!” He knew he was rambling but what can he do? Chan was even beautiful, he needed to know. He just wanted to keep talking, praise him, show him how much he loved him.

But of course, Chan wasn’t here for that. As much as Hyunjin wished he was here to only see him, he knew it wasn’t the case. He wasn’t Minho after all, he thought bitterly.

“So, why are you here Channie? You wanted to ask me something?”

 “Yes.” He saw Chan hesitating, as if what he was going to say wasn’t something he wanted to answer for, but still needed it. “How did you not want to…Collect Minho, before?” Hyunjin frowned.

“…Collect?”

“Yes.  _Collect._ ”

“Co- oooooooh.” Hyunjin smiled, “I see.”

“Yes. So how?”

So that’s why he was here.

Hyunjin wondered what happened outside of these walls, who Minho met for Chan to go to him, and ask for that, when before, just mentioning the thought of wanting to hurt Minho would have got him killed. Interesting.

And so, as Hyunjin always had been honest with Chan, he told him the truth. He told him he wanted to hurt him, he told him he thought Minho didn’t deserve him. He told him that if it wasn’t for how scary Chan could be, he would have done without a thought if it meant Chan would stay by his side, never leaving him. That killing him meant that Chan would not make him like him.

And he saw the confusion on his face as if his answer wasn’t satisfying. And Hyunjin didn’t like that. Why Chan was hesitating to get what he wanted? Who was this person who was making Chan hesitate?

It wasn’t normal. Chan wasn’t like that.

“Since when do you care?  Since when what Minho will think after made you doubt? You always found a solution, right? Did you forget, you do this for you, but also for him. Never forget Chan, collecting is what makes you happy. In the end, it will make him happy as well. Because you’ll never leave. And you’ll give him all the happiness. As always.”

Maybe Chan just needed to remember that to go back to normal; perhaps he just needed Hyunjin to tell him that it was okay. But he couldn’t help but have a bad feeling about this. Something changed, he didn’t know what it was, but something did.

Or Chan would not even be here in the first place.

“Now Chan, I’m happy you visited. I really am. But you have work to do, right? Tell me how it went in your next letter, okay?!”

When Chan left, he was as beautiful as he came in, but Hyunjin couldn’t help but frown.

Hyunjin will always love Chan, whatever will happen. And sometimes people changed, he knew that.

He just hoped Chan would not.

 

Next time someone visited him, it was Felix for his monthly ones. But this time, it was to announce something they discussed for a long time, that Chan told him already in his letter, but still something he was afraid of.  

“I’m going back soon to Australia.”

Hyunjin smiled softly at that. “Yeah, I know.” And Felix opened his eyes widely, “How?”

“Chan told me. He writes to me regularly you know.”

“Aaaah, yeah.” And once again, like the first time he visited, it was silent.

“I’ll miss you Hyunjin, really. I…I would like for you to be out of here, so I can meet you again one day, but with what you did, I-I just don’t think…” Felix stopped himself abruptly.

And Hyunjin realized he was crying. And Hyunjin also starts to panic; he didn’t know what to do.

“Oh no, oh no, please don’t cry!! You’re not responsible for this, just don’t be sad please” He was almost begging at this point, he didn’t want Felix to cry, not for him.

“I just, I just want to keep seeing you, but I want to go back to Australia, I have to, you know? And, you’re stuck here… I feel bad. I-“

“Stop right here Felix.” And Felix shut up, with even more tears rolling down his face, “I’m not going to be here all my life, I promise you. One day I’ll visit you, and your future cute boyfriend Jeongin” Felix blushed a bit at that, “so don’t worry about me. Even if you go away, we will meet again. Don’t worry.”

“How can you be so sure?” he murmured quietly, “aren’t you supposed to be imprisoned for life?” Hyunjin just laughed, Felix was too pure for this world indeed, he didn’t know how things worked. “Yes, I am. But I will not. You’ll see me out soon, I promise. Don’t worry about me. Go live your life.”

And it apparently just what Felix needed because he stopped crying and smiled again. Good.

When he left this day, Hyunjin felt a bit emptier than normal. But was okay, because one day, Chan will stop being mad, and this day, he’ll be able to see him again. With Chan, to see his smile, to see him being in love. He couldn’t wait.

Everything will be like before, him, Felix and Chan. Right? One day, one day it will happen.

 

* * *

 

 

For months, nothing happened. Felix stopped visiting. Chan stopped sending letters. And it was just him, and his routine as a prisoner. It was still fun, people were still gullible. But he was missing Chan, so so badly. Seeing him one last time and not having any news was torture. Well, he had some through Felix who sent him letters weekly. Apparently, Chan got what he wanted. Chan was going to marry Minho.

He tried not to let it hurt him as much as it was supposed to.

Chan was happy, he was happy, and if he was then everything was okay. Hyunjin couldn’t feel as sad he was, he hadn’t the right. Minho always had been the one Chan loved. Thinking Chan could ever look at him as delusional. He knew that now.

It still hurt like a bitch. He still wanted to scream and cry. But he couldn’t. Because he didn’t have the right. He lost it the day he betrayed Chan.

But was it why he stopped sending him letters? Was Hyunjin officially forgotten? He tried so hard and for so long to be useful to him, to be everything he needed, at the end he never has been good enough wasn’t it?

_I love you Chan, please don’t forget me. I’ll never be able to forget you, so, please..._

_Ho_ _w can I know when you forgave me if you forget my existence?_

Maybe it was his ultimate punishment. Being forgotten by Chan. But was what he had done so bad he deserved this?

If Chan decided it was the case, then yes.

So Hyunjin waited and waited. Seeing through Felix letters how happy he was, getting the married life he always dreamed of having with Minho.

Hyunjin never felt more alone.

_I love you; I love you, I love you. Please…._

He repeated those words every night, like a prayer, hoping someone would hear him and make Chan remembers he existed. Just once, just for one letter. He needed it. Just reading the old ones was not enough anymore, he couldn’t feel Chan through them anymore.

And one day, one day his prayers had been answered.

“Hwang! You got some letters today!”

Letters? As in, plural?

He couldn’t let himself believe, maybe it was two from Felix, one being late. It happened before, it could happen again. He took his letters with febrile hands and looked at the name on the first one

Lee Felix.

As expected, his old friend never stopped writing him, and he didn’t think he ever will. He then looked at the second one, with this time a shaking heart. Maybe, just maybe…

Bang Chan.

Hyunjin screamed.

“Oy, be quiet!”

_Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan Chan_

Chan sent him something, finally. After months of waiting, after everything.

He couldn’t wait to read it.

 

* * *

 

 

But reading hadn’t been what he expected. Chan had changed after all. He should have trusted his guts.

_It’s just not Bang Chan anymore_

And as such, it meant he had been forgiven.

Hyunjin still loved him, and he will always do. He couldn’t wait to see him again, even changed. But his glow had faded away, the person who put him there wasn’t the one who wrote this letter. And it just meant one thing.

He picked up the phone at the resting room, the only time he could call someone important.

“Hi, dad. Yeah, I’m fine. Yeah, it’s been a long time, his mom okay? Ah, okay.”

A pause.

“It’s time dad.” He took a deep breath.

“It’s time to go back home for me.”

Because he still had things to do outside, he still had to go back home and make his parents proud; he still had to go to Australia and see Felix new life by himself.

And more than everything else, he wanted to see Chan again. This Chan would let him see him. This Chan would not be angry at him, he was sure of it.

And well, who could blame him to jump on the opportunity of seeing the love of his life once again?

_I love you, Chan, forever and always. Whoever you’ll choose, whoever you’ll love, they’ll never love you as I do. It’s okay. I’m happy just staying by your side._

_But this time, I will not let you decide._

_I’ll stay._

Hyunjin went back to his cell, singing happily, indeed today was a good day. Maybe he should go take a shower to celebrate this? A good steamy shower all alone. Ah, he had to be sure to not be seen, it wouldn’t be good if the guards saw him. He chuckled, this game was fun after all.

But in the bathroom, he had a change of plan.

An inmate was on the floor, bleeding. Probably the unfortunate victim of a fight that clearly wasn’t in his favor.

Hyunjin laughed a bit more, getting closer and closer to the man, who needed help and medical care more than anything else.

“Hey” He whispered next to him.

 

_“Do you wanna play a game?”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> And here it is!
> 
> It was weird, and I suffered a lot while writing it, but it was worth it. I hope you all enjoyed it. 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are appreciated! 
> 
> Thank you again for reading Omniana :)!
> 
> Next: Felix.


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